Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Beautiful: My Story

We all long to know what is means to feel beautiful, for those 9 letters alone are the epitomy of worth to most women around the world. Have you ever thought about how important in essence the word beautiful is? This word makes and breaks millions of women everyday- and for those that do not live up by society's definition. How do I know this? Because I've been there, we probably all have. If we are honest we judge our level of beauty off what culture says. Today we have social media, magazines, commercials etc. to thank for "idols" that clearly and visually, show us how little our hearts and passions matter.  Because to the world we are how we look- the definition of who we are depends on it.  But, friends, beautiful really isn't an adjective that supports the noun. Being beautiful is a verb. 
Beauty by social standard has destroyed the woman's heart and I am a victim. 
Yes, I finally said it. I have been a victim of society and the media when it comes to feeling beautiful, but not until recently did I realize how deep these influences have affected my heart. For so many years I have tried to pretend I knew what it felt like to love myself, to feel completley confident and pretty-but I was so very wrong. My standards of beauty have been skewed by the world and the devil, who is always seeking to destroy. I have struggled with my weight and outer body image my whole life, but didn't address it. Instead I allowed the devil to capitalize on my insecurities- but worse was the denile that covered them. 
I neglected the aching in my heart to feel beautiful and shoved my insecurity to the depths of my soul, hoping no one would ever find it
But, Jesus did. He found & revealed them. Jesus dug out my deepest insecurities and put them on display. Ultimatley, he showed me that I failed to realize that my struggle with being beautiful was keeping me from being the truest version he created. I had been lying to myself for years, but lie I will no more. 

Being pre-diabetic since high school, I have never really been healthy. Loosing weight was hard, no matter how healthy I ate. Returning from my first year of college heavier and more in denial than ever I was headed for type 2 diabetes which is hereditary. I knew that I had to make a change, but I just felt trapped in these chains of self-pity, guilt and frustration. I started baby steps and took the advice of my dear friend Claire and started approaching excerise totally different- as an act of worship. It was during one of my runs in early May that I finally surrendered my burden of self image to Jesus. I surrendered the lies that Satan and culture. My chains were broken and set free through Jesus. 

Being broken is not fun, and I am slowly beginning to be made whole with the help of the Lord. For so many years I failed to realize that my body is a temple for the Lord. What I put into my body and how I treat it directly effects my relationship with Jesus. 

How can I be the truest version of myself in Jesus if I can't even treat the body he has given me with respect? 

I only have one body, one life to give him the Glory. Why was I treating my body like a piece of art bought at a garage sale for 99 cents, instead of a beloved masterpiece created by the Master? Through reading scripture and having conversation with others I have realized that as long as I continue to neglect my body, I am neglecting my relationship with Jesus. Only when we surrender our flesh do we being to be shaped into something new. I am no longer choosing to hide my insecurities but rather I am choosing to live life as a beautiful verb- because we weren't called to let others define our worth. We are called to live as he has defined us: beloved

In Christ Jesus, 

1 comment:

  1. Your vulnerability to tell this is beautiful, thank you for sharing!